If left to our own wants and ways, I would guess most of us wouldn’t venture out of the arenas we are most comfortable in. I think the ease and familiarity of operating in what we know best gives us a false sense of control and power. We actually have neither, it just feels like it.
When life calls for us to step out of that invisible comfort zone is when things can get sticky. Some move more gracefully than others. For me, I mostly have to fake it.
Funerals, memorials, visitations, and cemeteries aren’t anywhere on my map of what’s easy to handle. I think being a person with borderline control issues, makes it even more challenging. In reality I should drop the borderline. Jill said to me the other day, “Mom, I’m here to help but until you relinquish control over some things, there’s nothing I can do.” That stung, but finally instead of clenching everything so tightly, I put some stuff down and began let others help.
So today I have to face a mountain of things I don’t do well as we say good-bye to my dad. What’s keeping me from going to bed and covering up my head is a gracious community of family and friends whose kind words and actions have kept me putting one foot in front of another. Hopefully I can learn from this whole experience and when someone else is in the same situation, I’ll be able to come along side of them and offer some kindness and love. Thank you all for walking with me.
“A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.”